Recently, my neighbour passed away suddenly at home, it was a real shock and so very sad. He was my closest neighbour, in fact I've mentioned him here before - he was the man who laughed his ass off when I yelled at my family to bring me some toilet paper. I actually used to make him laugh a lot. One time I farted prodigiously under my patio when I thought I was alone only to hear him tittering away laughing on his side of the fence. I then grumbled "bloody suburbs the houses are too close together" only to have him completely piss himself laughing. That was him.
We used to pass each other walking our dogs a lot and stop and chat and swap gossip and make a fuss of each other's dogs and I will miss him and his dog very much.
I will also miss the security of him living next to me, as his house faced the notorious drug house and he could see what was going on over there, our house faces the other direction and we couldn't really keep an eye on what the heck was happening when there were "indicidents" going on (the definition of "incidents" ranges from fiery domestics, to full on bogan battle brawls, to police raids, to their clientele smashing their car into our house) so having a trusty neighbour with CCTV cameras and a terrific watchdog gave me so much peace of mind.
With all the trouble we've had over the years with neighbours, I can't help being very nervous about who my new neighbour will turn out to be. We also have 3 other houses close to us for sale right now, and one of them is immediately next door to the 'drug house' so I'm not wildly optimistic about who will be inclined to buy it.
I think you should "meet" the chief occupant of the drug house.... this is his photo fit....
I swear to God this is what he looks like: same bleached hair, tanned, leathery skin, and I know he has saggy tits because he is always gardening with no shirt on. And that's on a good day.
On a bad day a car pulls up on the verge, out pours a bunch of bogans with metal pipes, bars, and bats ready to swarm the premises as they reassure passers by that "its okay, they flogged our daughter so we're just here to settle the score" and everyone feels just peachy and super safe and... who am I kidding?
On a bad night I hear car alarms screaming, followed by the sound of broken glass being swept up and awake in the morning to see someone had come and smashed every windscreen and window of their infamous ute. Or I wonder if there will be a murder. Maybe one day something will blow up. Or the house will burn down.
Once they were in the front yard washing their car in the dark at 10.30 at night - you know who washes their car in the dark? Hit and run drivers, that's who.
Then you find the reject van from Breaking Bad on the lawn while they DIY it at high volume during the nights. And you think... that's it.... I actually miss the drug dealer we had next door in the 90's. I actually feel sentimental about the time we had a better class of drug dealer living beside us, he seems so cute and innocent now. Let's talk about him for a moment:
When I was away at university my parents got a new couple next door on our other side, they didn't know it but the pair were doing an incessant cannabis trade, if you picture the man of the house like this, you'd be pretty accurate:
Dude was clueless... I remember once housesitting for my parents and when they came back and were working damn hard to back the caravan in around the side of the house and getting super stressed about it, he was standing there gabbing away about absolute shite oblivious to the fact no one was listening to him. These were adorable druggies in the grand scheme of things because they were quiet except that their house was constantly being burglarised. Once when they wanted to go away for a quick vacation they gave my Dad the keys to their house (for when the alarm was ear raping them at all hours) the keys had a troll doll on the keyring, and my Dad thought it was annoying so he savagely hacked the hair off a drug dealer's troll doll with no remorse. I told him the hair was the whole point of the thing and he said "its my keys so I can do what I like" leading to a much bigger conversation about it not being his keys at all and that on Monday you give the keys back.
Wonderfully in the late 90's our other immediate next door neighbours bought that house, and after airing it out for long enough thought it would be excellent to raise their children there, who are now grown and we still are blessed with this lovely couple and their extended family and who intend to remain there for the rest of their days.
And so as I reflect on the loss of my neighbour and wait to see what happens with his house and others around me, I feel such mixed feelings. We loved having our neighbour J*** next door to us, it was a real camaraderie and we did all the neighbourly things like swap produce, take care of each other - I once rescued him and his dog from a dog fight, and I know he was always having an ear out for us if we were in distress. Even if that distress was gastrointestinal lol. A friend next door is such a comfort. I can only hope we can be blessed again.
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